Separate To Save Your Marriage
Posted on 10 July 2008 by Sharifa
In trying to figure out what to post today I stumbled across something known as “Controlled Separation.” Apparently it is a form of couples therapy. Let’s face it, if I were forced to deal with one person everyday for the rest of my life until one of us were lucky enough to die, then I might become a little aggravated with that person after awhile. That is the case for the couples who are trying this radical new form of therapy. Ultimately the goal of the separation is to allow couples to live separately while negotiating and working towards solving their marital problems in a neutral atmosphere.
With traditional marriage counseling the couple is in a neutral environment but then after the session they are immediately thrown back together without a present mediator when they go home and are still facing the same problems, which can result in the deterioration of any work that is done in the presence of the counselor they just left. When couples participate in a controlled separation, they continue couples therapy as well as individual therapy and are allowed to retire to there respective corners to reflect on what they are learning and deal with their personal issues. Before the separation ever takes place, the spouses sit down with their counselor and work out the details of the arrangement, nothing is left to chance. They decide who will move out, the length of the separation, how the time with kids will be divided, who is responsible for the pets, how to split the finances, will they spend time together as a family outside of counseling, who are they allowed to tell about the separation, will they still have sex with each other, can they date other people, if so are they allowed to be intimate with those people. It also states in the contract that no attorneys are allowed to be contacted during the separation and should one person need to change the details of the contract they will do so in the presence of the estranged spouse and a counselor. Working out these details before hand allows for both parties to concentrate on fixing what’s wrong in the marriage, and should things go sour they have already set up a contract that works, allowing for an amicable divorce.
I think this idea is quite ingenious, myself. If my husband and I were having problems this is something I would definitely try to save our marriage, and if things don’t work at least you know that you really tried. If you need more information on controlled separation click here.
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Tags | controlled separation, couples counseling, couples therapy, divorce, marriage, relationship advice
July 15th, 2008 at 5:56 am
Marriage killers that you need to think and talk about before it ruins your marriage including financial planning, unrealistic expectations, alcohol and drugs, and over commitment to others may only scratch the surface of the root problems that are causing your marriage to be in trouble.